Yesterday was Columbus Day, or as I like to call it: Let’s Celebrate a Major Asshole Day! In Canada it’s also Thanksgiving, which is less about the Pilgrims massacring the Indians and more about going to church and praising those who once-upon-a-time tried to “kill the Indian, save the man.”
I know, it’s a happy day.* To celebrate this momentous occasion filled with a bloody past, I took a ski lift up the side of a mountain where I marveled at the view and all the colorful autumn leaves. I then walked back down said mountain thereby killing my legs, or at the very least making it impossible to walk anytime in the next week. Then I had pie.
Not that I need a mass murderer to celebrate to eat pie, but the pie makes the atrocities go down easier. At least that’s what I tell myself when I rub one out to pictures of Cora Keegan instead of helping to abolish Columbus Day.
I mean:
Whoa.
It’s not like I’d be much help what with my inability to walk without crying out in pain, but I should at least stop celebrating with the pie. Maybe if I stare at Cora Keegan long enough I’ll stop being a hypocrite and man up to the situation at hand.
If I stare too long, however, I start seeing Joe Rogan’s cooties all over Cora. Joe Rogan cooties are like Adam Levine cooties, once they’re on a girl they’re there for life. Cora cannot take enough showers, but then again, Cora loves Joe Rogan cooties, otherwise, she probably would have broken up with the host of Fear Factor by now.
I kid, I kid, I don’t know if Joe Rogan is a douche who leaves his cooties all over the place. All I know about the guy is that he played a kooky handyman on News Radio, a show I used to like in the day. That’s all I know, that and the fact that he has an incredibly hot girlfriend. I’m all about the mop of brown curly hair. Actually, everything about Cora Keegan scream gorgeous-sex-goddess to me.
Click on images below for larger versions:
*That there be sarcasm.
Via drunkenstepfather.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd
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